The Happening (2008)

Shymalan-a-ding-dong.

Marky Mark puts on his concerned face for another thriller from the master of the twist ending that you read about by accident online weeks before the release.

A movie about people killing themselves; he should have just made a movie about people being forced to watch the entire Shymalan collection.

Zooey Deschanel, eh? Movie might not be so bad after all..

Trippy opening cloud sequence. You ever notice that, like, clouds are harbingers of our innermost beliefs and culture cycles, man? Alright, I’m back.

Must not be a very good construction company. They’re just dyin’ to get out of work! Hiyo!

I wish Marky Mark was my teacher. He’d give me an A for being so damn funky.

Cameron Frye sold out and became a principal? He was such a rebel!

Legzam!

Zooey, Zooey, Zooey. So damn cute.

Killadelphia: Coolest Inquirer headline ever.

Legzam & Marky Mark have a difficult relationship.

“What the hell is going on, Elliott?” “Something is The Happening!”

We’re stuck in Filbert. Oh fishsticks!

Marky Mark wears a mood ring. Boy, oh boy.

(Watching film of lions attacking zookeeper on lady’s iPhone) “Say, is that one of those new iPhones?”

“Mother of God, what kind of terrorists are these?” “Lion terrorists!”

And Legzam dies in another movie. He’s gotta be in the all-time Top 10. I don’t know if he’s ever survived a movie.

“We’re packin’ hot dogs for the road.” Tonight’s TWSS Line of the Night was brought to you by Motorola Phones. To more clearly here what she said, buy Motorola Phones.

Legzammit!

Who knew the plants would hold such a grudge. We should just pave the jungles.

“Cheese & Crackers!” Pyle!

So Zooey was cheating on Marky Mark with Joey from the New Kids, Marky Mark’s brother’s group. That’s not just disrespectful, that’s 80’s disrespectful.

Trees are jerks.

That Leavy chick ain’t gonna make it.

And Marky Mark is talking to plants.

Gotta say: the one reason I watched this movie, the scene where the guy gets run over by a tractor—not quite worth it. Zooey better lose that top real soon.

“See? We’re normal!” We randomly sing Doobie Brothers tunes. What could be more normal than that?

Damn teenagers didn’t get off their lawn.

Oh, I love The American Report.

Whoa, that’s one stern stranger.

My, what a lovely woman.

Man, she takes the crazy up a notch in the mornings.

Oh yeah, if Marky Mark’s anything he’s an expert at putting towels under doors.

Okay, the TV doctor’s very coked up.

Overall, Marky Mark’s non-acting and Zooey Deschanel’s very good acting sorta evened out into some not terrible acting.

Overall: Two out of Four Happy Ethans. Directing – V Writing – X Acting – V Music – X

The thing I’ll take away most from this film is Zooey Deschanel is so goshdarn cute. And Legzam just keeps dying. Wait, that’s two things. I blew it.

Oh shit, what’s that small shrubbery doing at the door? What do you want, shrubbery? What are you doing with that shiv, shrubbery? Wait, don’t, noooooo!!!