The Terminator (1984)
Robots. Our greatest enemy.
So that’s what LA’s gonna look like in twenty-one years. Jeez, I better not make any large purchases.
Huh. Schwarzenegger’s in this one?
Little known fact: James Cameron’s first choice to play The Terminator was OJ Simpson. There aren’t even jokes for stuff like that.
I betcha ten dollars all these letters movin’ around the screen are gonna spell ‘Terminator.’ Nailed it.
Bernie Mac is The Garbageman. “Damn! Future Lightning! I’m outta here!”
Naked Governors. Way to start your movie, Cameron.
Uh oh, Eighties punk rockers.
Hey! It’s Paxton! Punk Paxton. Punxton?
So you can’t travel into the past clothed? Glad nobody told Michael J. Fox.
Oh
gross, now there’s a pantsless hobo running around
Man, remember the Eighties when you didn’t even have to lock up your department store? You could just come and go as you pleased.
Radio’s stuck on the Eighties channel.
So, technically he’s suffering from Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
What are those Giant Killer Robots shooting? Rubble? “Must…destroy…destruction.”
David Alan Grier, Police Chief.
Whoa, Sarah Connor’s roommate is hot. Eighties hot.
Mopeds: Lame in any decade.
Fucking a girl while she’s listening to her Walkman. Uh…
The Phonebook Killer, catchy.
Bartender keeps staring at her, “Well? Can I change the channel now?”
A bar that sells Dreyer’s Ice Cream. Odd. But mostly delicious.
Alright hot roommate, we get it. You like Eighties music.
Det. Alan Grier knows exactly where the techno dance club is, no need for directions.
When’s he gonna be back? Did I miss it?
Flaming Schwarzenegger!
“Not a robot. A cyborg.” Oh robots, cyborgs. You say tomato, I say tomato. I guess that doesn’t really have the same effect on paper.
Apparently—in the future—woman-bites are less effective.
“It absolutely will not stop! Ever!” Until Terminator 3, when it runs for Governor.
This movie’s alright, but it’s no Future War.
Maybe don’t drive parallel with the guy firing shotgun shells at you?
Retroactive Abortion. Another great band name.
“I’ll be back.” The “To be or not to be” of the Twentieth Century.
“We gotta get you to a doctor!” “No. I can’t. My insurance doesn’t cover the past.”
“I can’t even balance my checkbook!” “Maybe your checkbook has an inner ear infection.”
“Man, the future really takes it out of ya.” Waaa! It’s the future!
Haha, faked you guys out! I was a Terminator the whole time!
Why did they program a cyborg with a thick Austrian accent anyway?
Time to make a John Connor baby.
Now that’s what I call saving the future; knocking up some Eighties chick.
It’s funny ‘cause I usually have to think of future cyborgs to last longer, too.
Way to save the future, Kyle. Getting shot…
Whoa, did I just hit a cyborg?
Cool! ‘Splosions!
Oh my God! That thing I said wouldn’t stop didn’t stop!
I had to do this to my robot once, teach it a lesson.
Ooh, she got Terminator shrapnel in the thigh.
Now he’s The Torsonator.
“You’re Terminated, fucker.” Ooh, good one Sarah. Go have your Future Baby, lady.
Overall: Three out of Four Happy Ethans. Directing: V Writing: V Acting: V Music: X
The
thing I’ll take away most from this film is that a legless cyborg
can be just as deadly as a whole cyborg. Just like
with zombies, ya hafta
shoot ‘em in the head.