Dan Shaughnessy
Sucks –
It’s been ten days since one of these Irishmen pissed me off. But this did it.
“I don’t like beating the Yankees anymore! Waaa!”
Turning
How
are we gonna pipe that much water into the
Another night, another buffeting of the Bombers.
It's just no fun beating these
We should start losing to them again. Vintage is in!
Too easy.
Like making fun of Dan Shaughnessy.
Led
by Josh Beckett,
channeling his October 2007 self, the Red Sox pasted their Biblical brothers,
7-0, at the
Holy fuck, use more nicknames & slang, Dan.
“We took the local nine down to the field house and gave them the old Causeway shellackin’!”
Too bad all the local college students have left town.
Who am I gonna sell hash to now?
Your Red Sox this year are 6-0 against the team you love to hate,
Notice the phrasing of this sentence.
DAN
SHAUGHNESSY DOESN’T CARE ABOUT
and this would be a good time for some New
York-baiting in the dorms of
I
was more of a
"They've taken it to us pretty good this year, and we're definitely not happy about that," said Johnny Damon, who has looked at clouds from both sides now.
Well there’s one reason why you’re losing. Your left fielder’s lookin’ at clouds & shit.
"We've got 13 more against them [12, actually].
What an Idiot!
Hopefully we'll mix in a win soon."
Maybe Lucky Number Thirteen will be the one. Just let us have twelve more..
"We're 0-6, and that's not where we want to be," added manager Joe Girardi.
We are doing bad when we want to be doing not-bad.
"You don't like to be 0-6 against your rival.
6-0 would be a better six-game record against your rival.
But we're even after 57 games [58, actually] and here we go."
People from the
Last night's victory puts the Sox in a first-place tie with the Yankees, but that little detail should be addressed tonight, because in this strange spring of 2009, the Sons of Tito cannot lose to their ancient rivals.
jinxjinxjinxjinx
How did we get here?
By winning six games?
The Yankees, after all, have a payroll north of $200 million and committed almost a half-billion free agent dollars last winter.
To
an obese lefty, a pitcher who’s done well in
They
came to
?
The Yankees lineup is a shitty Springsteen song from the Seventies?
and it looks as if
CC Sabathia has chosen to take the shape of a prize-winning squash.
No matter. The Yanks cannot beat the Red Sox.
Cut to, “The Yankees have beaten the Red Sox!”
New York mustered only two hits last night against Beckett, Manny Delcarmen, Ramon Ramirez, and Daniel Bard. Yankee pitchers walked seven and hit a batter. Sloppy.
So the strange streak continues.
Well, somebody tell Bob Ryan to put his pants back on, then.
It's Bizarro Baseball.
Left Field is Right Field! Third Base is First! Players inject salt peter instead of steroids!
The
mighty Yankees suddenly are the
Although Dice-K should really stop pitching behind-the-back..
The Yanks are the nail and the Sox are the hammer.
A-Rod’s used that line on Jeter before.
The
Yankees couldn't beat
Waaaa, poor millionaires!
Last night they had no chance against Beckett, who dazzled the slumdog millionaires,
Oof.
The
Yankees are wrestling with their struggles against
striking out eight and allowing only one hit over six innings.
This was supposed to be a nifty duel between ex-Marlin baby bulls Beckett and Burnett ("two of the better arms in the game," according to Sox manager Terry Francona),
How vaguely complementary of him.
but it never materialized. Burnett looked like a man afraid to throw the ball over the plate
Pussy.
(84 pitches, 40 strikes in 2 2/3 innings) and was gone before the Lakers and Magic tipped off.
AJ was just worried he’d miss Stu Scott’s analysis.
On most nights in most seasons, Beckett's masterpiece would have been the highlight for the home team, but this is 2009, and Boston baseball is consumed by the struggles of David Ortiz, so we must report that Ortiz's two-run homer off Burnett was the signature moment of the night.
He gets a gold star!
It was a blast from the past; a bolt from a guy tangled up in blue.
Tangled
Up in Blue,
With the weight of the Nation on his back and history ever on his side, Big Papi turned on a 95-mile-per-hour 2-and-2 fastball and launched one of his old-timey moon shots into the center-field bleachers in the bottom of the second. It was a true feat of strength.
ROID-STRENGTH!
There was an Edgar Allan Poe fog over Fenway in the early innings and the ball wasn't going anywhere - until Ortiz swung.
That’s surprising ‘cause Dominicans usually don’t perform well in Poe-Fog.
It was Papi's third homer of the season (three homers, three Fenway curtain calls), it extended his hitting streak to seven games, and it probably will have cynics wondering if the pitch was tipped by Alex Rodriguez.
What?
“Hey, why don’t I mix it up out here and help my opponents out for a change!”
A-Rod is baseball's human piñata,
Except instead of candy, he’s only filled with sorrow.
an easy target for haters and conspiracists across the land. This was Rodriguez's first game at Fenway since his spring steroid bombshell.
Bombshell? I was thinking of more of an unexploded grenade.
He went 0 for 4 with an error, much to the titillation of the fandom.
Ew..
Still, you can't pin this one on Rodriguez.
Although he wishes you would.
In the words of Derek Jeter, "It's kind of hard to win when you only have two hits. We didn't have too many good swings."
Jeter has been around long enough to see all the swings in this series. He was here when the Yanks were king and he was here when the Bombers swept five at Fenway late in 2006. Six losses at the start of '09 aren't going to rattle the Yankee captain.
Seven might, though.
"Those are over and we can't do anything about them," said Jeter. "It's important for us to play well tomorrow, but I'd say that no matter who we were playing. We can't think about what happened before when we take the field."
Selective amnesia always has been useful in this feud. The more you forget, the better you play.
That’s why Manny’s so good.
And right now the Yankees are trying to forget that the Red Sox own them in the spring of 2009.
jinxjinxjinxjinx
Dan
Shaughnessy is a Globe columnist. He can be reached
at dshaughnessy@globe.com. 
~~~
Thanks for all the jinxin’, Dan.
Take
an Air France flight to