Dan
Shaughnessy Sucks –
Another
pessimistic explosion from Dan Shaughnessy. Enjoy..
(Dan's gobbledygook in bold,
my hullaballistics in plain.)
An Infusion of Intrigue
I prefer an infusion of cheese,
personally.
Oh, this is gonna be a fantastic
article. Shaughnessy: Always the optimist.
when Red Sox spring training
was an annual festival of curiosity and calamity. Players would arrive late (Manny, Pedro),
Manny? Late? NEVER!
walk out of camp (Roger),
Correction: Waddle out of
camp.
or fall from shotgun seats (Wade)
Shoulda been Lucky
when their wives wheeled out of restaurant parking lots.
That would never happen to Dusty
‘cause those booster seats are pretty sturdy.
The organization would respond
with all forms of coverup and double-speak.
Like the Commies!
It was good fun for everybody.
Except for Wade Boggs.
The Sox of today are built in
the emotional flat-line image of general manager Theo
Epstein, and spring camp was unfolding in a sea of tranquility (some
would say boredom) right up until yesterday morning when Terry Francona matter-of-factly mentioned that J.D.
Drew had made a round-trip visit to Boston for
an injection in his back.
A man-injection. Hiyooooo!!
And so we're off and running
again.
JD isn’t. His back hurts.
J.D. Drew is hurt.
Yeah, I just said that.
It might be a big deal or it
might not,
Well, since he’s been hurt since
the inception of the written word; I’m going with ‘not.’
but in the Hub hardball news drought of 2009, it qualifies
as headlines and gets eyeballs rolling.
It gets my balls rolling..
The Sox are downplaying Drew's
condition.
Constantlyinjureditis?
Reminded that the
Make my day.
I'm just telling you what
happened. I can't change my story. Have a ball with it."
Pardon?
We will.
Ew.
Like toll hikes on the Mass.
Pike, Drew's injury history is a well-worn subject that inspires sarcasm and
anger from the citizenry.
Toll hikes on the Mass Pike?!!
RARRRRREEEAAAARRREEERARRRGH!
You know the drill.
The one boring
into my skull from reading this?
Nancy
Drew. Audie
Murphy Drew. Old Blood and Guts. More days off than a State House
employee. Won't play hurt. Typical Scott Boras client.
I have heard a whopping two of
these things before..
Drew makes for an easy target.
Well yeah, he just sits there
being hurt. Easy to hit..
But this sudden round trip
raises legitimate questions about his health and readiness for the upcoming season
- which raises questions about the offensive firepower of a Manny-less lineup with Mike Lowell
recovering from surgery and Big Papi in decline.
BIG PAPI SHALL NEVER DECLINE!
According to Francona, Drew
flew to
Meh. It was probably just steroids.
Does that make any sense?
No. Because I am
stupid.
A guy with a herniated disk
flies three hours in the teeth of a snowstorm to get a shot that could be
administered in the training room at City of
Who arrrrrre these people?
And we are supposed to believe
this is no big deal?
Yes.
"If I needed somebody to
put a needle in me, Bill Palmer's doing it," said Francona.
Hey now!
"He's the best.
Somebody has a crush..
I don't think a two-hour flight
is going to put [Drew] over the edge.
Starring Matt Dillon..
"If it was that big a
deal, I wouldn't have told you guys, 'cause nobody asked me," added the
smiling manager. "You crack
-head
media guys didn't even know he was gone."
This is the same Drew who
started only two regular-season games after Aug. 17 last season.
Wait, he just totally slammed you,
Shaughnessy. No response?
This is the same Drew who has
played more than 140 games in only two of his 10-plus big
league seasons.
Yet, you didn’t even know he was
gone..
This is a guy who has three
seasons remaining on a contract that pays him $14 million annually - more than
any other Red Sox player.
Julio Lugo just heard this and is
calling his agent. Unfortunately, his agent gave him a 555 number.
There was a mini-controversy
when Drew arrived in camp in the middle of February and said he has residual
back stiffness. When the story received national attention, Drew claimed it was
exaggerated and Theo attributed the reaction to a slow news cycle.
But now we are wondering again.
Because it’s a
slow news cycle.
Is Drew's balky back going to
be an issue throughout the season?
Maybe.
Is surgery a possibility?
Probably.
And can J.D. Drew ever gain the
love and respect of the Nation?
If he had a
sit-down discussion with each of us individually.
Is he going to again be just
good enough to stay in the lineup, but not good enough to make a significant
impact?
Like last year, when he was the AL
1st Half MVP?
Drew has played in two spring
games, going 2 for 5 with a double.
He’s battin’ .400! Lay off!
The Sox are off today and he's
going to see how things feel before attempting to return to baseball activity
tomorrow.
If he needs another injection in
the back, I’m available..
*wink*
He was at the Sox spring site
yesterday, and NESN's intrepid Heidi Watney
interviewed him as he was leaving the park before
I’d stiffen her back..
"Been
working with a chiropractor.
I’m just an apprentice now; but
he’s saying I might get promoted in another month or two.
Started talking a little bit
about some of the underlying issues and thinking that the facets might be a
little bound up," Drew started.
Gibberish.
"So [I] talked with the
training staff a little bit, decided to do an injection in that area to see if
that would free up some of the old scar tissue,
What are you, a WWI vet?
an old injury, and give me some freer motion in that area.
"Really
a win-win situation.
Yeah, my back hurts and I’m
on drugs!
I mean, if it doesn't go well,
then it's not a big deal.
Unless it really doesn’t go
well..
If it goes well, then we kind
of get an idea of what's going on.
Bad things. That’s what’s going on.
So after talking with
everybody, decided it would be a good chance to get back early in spring.
‘Back!’ Get it?!
Still got plenty of recovery
time, take a few days off to see how things work out. We've got an off day
tomorrow, so see how it feels on Thursday."
Talk without using infinitives.
Really don’t like to use infinitives at all.
Somehow the whole thing sounds
like something less than win-win.
Win-Tie?
Dan Shaughnessy is a Globe
columnist. He can be reached at dshaughnessy@globe.com.
~~~
You can
always count on Shaughnessy to take the negative. I’m thinkin’ Drew will be
fine. He’ll take it slow and conserve energy for the 2nd half.
And if he
really does need more injections in his back; seems like Bob Ryan ain’t
up to much these days..