Bob Ryan Also Sucks – 5/1/09

Here’s a quick little interesting blog entry from Bob Ryan. Interesting in the fact that it was written before Game 7, but PRINTED TODAY (May 5th). We’ve already completed Game 1 of the semifinals series against Orlando and we’re getting a preview of Game 7. Really Globe? Maybe another reason why you guys are about to all lose your jobs? You can’t manage to print articles within four days of their authoring.

Enjoy the Moment

You know, last Saturday. Enjoy it then.

Sometimes people really amaze me.

My editors for one. My pastry chef for another.

I've actually read stuff from people questioning the greatness of this Celtics-Bulls series on the basis of Chicago's regular-season record.

You dare question the excellence of Boston’s opponents. Off with his head!

What difference does that make?

What difference does that make if we play a good team or a bad team. They’re still good! (Unless they’re bad.)

For that matter, what difference does it make that Kevin Garnett has not played when we're discussing the historic relevance of this series?

BECAUSE HE IS UNSPORTSMANLIKE.

The games either did or did not unfold as we've seen them.

Um…did not!

They either were or were not superb sports entertainment. And we all know they were,

Bob Ryan’s Blog! Now with thirty percent more commas than periods!

It doesn't matter of the Bulls

You’re goddam right it doesn’t matter of them!

were 21-61, 31-51, 41-41, 51-31 61-21,

71-11, 81-1, 91-(-)9..

or whatever, What matters is how they're playing now.

Were playing then.

Once again I remind people they are putting out on the floor a No. 1 (Derrick Rose), a No. 3 (Ben Gordon),

Gordon can’t be a number two guy? Really?

a No. 4 (Tyrus Thomas), a No. 7 (Kirk Hinrich) and a No. 9 (Joakim Noah).

Nine’s the scrappiest number there is.

That's a lot of raw talent. Whatever problems they had they don't have now. And they became a much better team when they added John Salmons and Brad Miller in that Sacramento trade.

But they gave up Michael Ruffin! MICHAEL RUFFIN!

Why can't people simply sit back and enjoy the show?

Because our chairs are very uncomfortable.

You can nitpick specifics all you want.

Thanks, I will. How about the specific where this column came out on a Tuesday, yet it’s previewing a game from last Saturday?

Nitpick’d.

But all the couldas, shouldas and wouldas are what make the enterprise worth talking about. If every team played a perfect game in every sport every time out, no one would ever lose.

CHAOS!

This will be a tough series for someone to lose, sure,

No, Chicago lost it quite easily. They had no problem in that regard.

but it's pretty obvious it will be tougher on the Celtics,

Nope.

who, Garnett or no Garnett, were expected to win and who have blown more chances to win games that they eventually lost than the Bulls have. So much for "experience."

So much for “writing talent.”

So much for “sports analysis.”

So much for “newspapers.”

They should win Game 7.

Bold predictions. After the fact. Only here at the Globe.

But if they don't, it would be nice if people would give the Bulls proper credit and move on.

Fuck that noise!

No-ah sucks! No-ah sucks! No-ah sucks!

This series isn't solely about one team or the other. It's about two teams giving us the kind of sports experience to tell the grandchildren about.

Ah, but my tubes are tied! Damn you, Bob Ryan!

One of them happens to be a defending champion trying to make do

I’m gonna print this article out and “try to make do” all over it.

without its true leader (Kevin Garnett) and an important auxiliary piece of its puzzle (Leon Powe).

POW!

The other happens to be a relatively young team with some extraordinary talent that may have finally found itself.

Until Ben Gordon signs with the Knicks in the offseason.

What they've given us is sport at its best. Anyone who doesn't appreciate that should stick with UFC.

Whoa, random UFC slam there at the end. Classy move, snappin’ on the most popular/fastest-growing sport since NASCAR. Especially when basketball is just about the most hated sport out there right now. If nothing else, Bob Ryan knows his audience: Old assholes.