Cloverfield (2008)

Okay. I’ve taken my Dramamine and am ready to watch monsters on shaky cameras.

Movies involving the destruction of New York = My favorite.

Why does she have an upside-down heart necklace? Looks like boobs.

Marlena’s hot. She won’t survive, the hot chicks never do.

Awkward, meeting the ex-girlfriend’s new boyfriend the night before you head to Japan.

At least they’re getting good and drunk before the monster attack. I wouldn’t be able to handle a monster attack sober.

Marlena’s an ice queen, and yet I’m diggin’ her.

Lotta hot chicks in this pre-monster attack party. Too bad most of them are gonna get chomped.

Sweet, it begins. Very 9/11-esque. Damn terrorist monsters, imposing their monster beliefs on the rest of us.

I think it’s a big CHUD. Maybe it’s the Mother CHUD.

It would take a lot more than a deadly monster to get me into Brooklyn.

Damn, you’re walkin’ down a street and the Iraq War breaks out.

Oh they’re definitely gonna run into some CHUD now, walkin’ through the subway tunnels.

Crevasse, hah.

Lighting homeless people on fire? That’s actually a good idea for homeless people tryin’ to keep warm in the winter. And it would half-solve the homeless problem too.

“I just can’t stop thinking how scary it would be if a flaming homeless guy came running out of the dark right now.”

Run! Space Crabs!

“Maybe he was tryin’ to make me his queen.” Right, Hud.

Marlena just done blowed up. Toldja the hot chick wouldn’t last.

“We’ll just go inside and see how high we can get.” Sounds like me outside my favorite crack house.

I didn’t know buildings could fall sideways onto other buildings and just lean there. Did an Italian build that thing?

Cool! Jets!

We lose one chick, we gain another one. Not bad.

“What is that?” “It’s a terrible thing. Let’s go.”

More Space Crabs! I bet the Space Crabs get a spinoff movie. Space Crabs: Scuttling Sideways to the Future!

That tank just got stomped.

I can’t understand how people survive helicopter crashes. Car crashes, sure. Train crashs, yeah. Plane crashes, maybe. But a chopper? Will all those blades on top? Spinning around in circles to the ground? Not a chance.

Hud is dud. I mean dead. Real loss, there.

Are they upside-down? What the hell is this shot?

One more Space Crab. C’mon movie, it’s all I ask. One more measly Space Crab.

Pretty solid camera, surviving the Central Park bombing.

Overall: Two out of Four Happy Ethans. Directing: V Writing: X Acting: V Music: X

The thing(s) I’ll take away most from this film are the Space Crabs. Those adorable little Space Crabs. I wonder where they are right now; who they’re biting, what they’re thinking about. Good night Space Crabs, wherever you are (most likely in Space).