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Spoiler alerts galore! I dont' care if you know how these movies end, so if you don't wanna know,
don't read 'em! But if you wanna laugh, do read 'em. (Quotes in italics are actually from the movie, quotes not
in italics are shit I made up to be humorous)
Fighting. In the street. Starring three of the biggest NBA stars of the 1990's: Shaquille O'Neal, Penny Hardaway & Matt Nover. The last boy scout? But who will I buy my crappy popcorn from now?!! Dammit! I thought this was What's Happenin'! The Inglorious Bastards (1978) Soon to be a worldwide Tarantino ripoff! Pod people and hot chicks. Not bad.. I'll be wack...y. If anything else, it's just good to see Matthew Fox got off that danged island and is gainfully employed. National Treasure 2: Book of Secrets (2007) Nicolas Cage and his Wacky Sidekick grace the silver screen with Dan Brown-ish adventures. The movie that finally addressed one of the largest problems we face in Modern America: Giant Killer Ostriches. Monsters! Ahhh! Monsters!! Star Wars IV: A New Hope (1977) In your face, nerds! (This coming from a guy who reviews bad--and in this case, good--movies on his crappy website
that four people visit..)
Nick Cannon and Zombies: That's so funny, I forgot to eat your brains!
A Kurt Russell vehicle about a Kurt Russell vehicle that breaks down.
Johnny Depp is a bad director being directed by a good director.
An epic review of an epic film of epic proportions. Basically it's a movie about a plane.
Gary Busey plays a werewolf hunting some sort of Ape-Man.
Eastern Europeans killing zombies. Basically any day in Eastern Europe.
Britishfolk and the Matrix creators. Off to a bad start already.
Zombies, haltertops, and dogs covered in ketchup. A Polynesian's cream dream.
Frenchwomen, albinos and puzzles = hot, gross and boring. Dan Brown = just boring. Cowboys and Robots and a Mongol. A classic Crichton yarn. OJ in a rocketship. 'Nuff said.
Kirsten Dunst is single again, right? Otherwise this review was pointless... Leo stars in the film adaptation of that crappy Kanye song. Not that one, the other one... Bruce Willis, cancer patient, gives us the tough choice. I'm gonna go with Live Free. But after seeing this film,
you might choose the latter. Zing.
Roar. Dragons. Day of the Dead 2: Contagium (2005) Zombies + Mental Hospital = Retard Zombies. All hail Slow Tut! Nothing's more delicious than an Afrikaaner.
Fresh Prince and stale zombies.
From the director of Donnie Darko comes...a pile of crap!
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